Why Did I Do That?
by Babsfromlacrosse
Summary: Sometimes people just make a mistake.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own the canon... but I couldn't tell you who does.**

Chapter 1

"Why are you walking away from me? We're not done with this conversation," Marissa shouted as Bianca started walking out of the room. "That's because your yelling," she said with a voice raised a little louder than comfortable. "And you know I don't yell," she finished her sentence as she crossed the bedroom entryway.

/

Bianca knew what she did was wrong: She'd been sitting with it all morning. She considered calling at lunch to explain things, but if she couldn't explain them to herself how would she explain it to Marissa? After dinner, with the kids bathed and put to bed, she told Marissa that she needed to go back to the office to finish a proposal. That was another lie. Anything to avoid confrontation.

It all started innocently enough. Reese called one morning to say she would be coming to town on business, and Bianca agreed to a play date. It wasn't as if Marissa wasn't OK with them seeing Reese. But when Bianca talked to Marissa a little later, she hesitated to mention it. The hesitation turned into a day, and then more days... and at some point, Bianca told herself it was too late. Marissa would be hurt either way now, and the thought of causing her pain was unbearable. So unbearable, that she became a little unbearable herself.

In the weeks that lead up to the visit, Bianca was snippy at work, was distant with Marissa, and the kids noticed she wasn't her playful self. Marissa continued to ask, but was growing frustrated. Finally, she'd had enough. "How much longer are you not going to tell me what's going on?" Marissa asked as they pulled back the covers on their bed. "What? It's nothing. I'm fine, really. I've just got a lot going on at work." "Huh," Marissa said as she looked at Bianca now wondering how deep this went.

"You know, I ran into your assistant at the grocery store today," Marissa started. "Taking time off again was she? I'll note this for her review," Bianca cut in to make a joke. "She looked stressed," Marissa sighed and waited for a reply. When no reply came she continued, "after a little pressing, she admitted that you haven't been yourself at work lately. So it's not just at home is it?" Bianca still couldn't muster up an answer or the truth. "I can't do this," Marissa said as she picked up her pillow and started toward the living room.

"No, wait. I'm sorry. Really. I know I've been terrible lately, and the reason is just as terrible," Bianca said, deflated. Marissa turned and walked back to Bianca and grabbed her hands, "What's going on? Is someone hurting you?" she asked. "No, but you may," Bianca half-joked. _Not the time_, she thought to herself. So she paused and took a deep breath then continued, "I lied to you. And worse yet, I lied to you about Reese." Marissa let go of Bianca's hands and took a step back.

"You what?" Marissa's eyes grew huge. "Reese called two weeks ago to let me know she was going to be in town on business. She asked to see the girls and I said OK. She'll be here tomorrow," Bianca finished. She focused on the floor, not willing to look Marissa in the eyes. "Why didn't you tell me? You know I don't have a problem with that," Marissa questioned. "So you're not mad?" Bianca looked up. "Oh, I'm mad. I'm pissed actually." Marissa started to pace. "Why didn't you tell me?" she lifted her shoulders, "Is there more to this?" Bianca's answer was, "I don't know, I think that's why it's freaking me out. I have no idea why I wouldn't just tell you." "Are you having feelings for her?" Marissa asked as her voice cracked.

"I don't think so, I don't know," Bianca changed her mind mid-sentence. Marissa's face changed from anger to fright. "I mean I feel something, but it doesn't feel like attraction," Bianca continued, realizing that she was talking to Marissa like a friend, not a girlfriend. "I can't figure it out. And I would be continuing to lie to you if I said I could." Tears where now running down Marissa's face, and Bianca felt the weight of hurting her. Marissa grabbed the pillow again and walked out of the bedroom.

After two hours of tossing and turning, Bianca gave up and went to find Marissa. When she jammed her toe on the side table in the living room, she yelled "crap." It was what she'd been feeling for two weeks, so it was a release to just say it. "I really don't want to talk Bianca," Marissa said sternly from the couch. "Yeah, I don't either." She sat down at the end of the couch. "But we need to." "Well, you really didn't _need_ to for the past two weeks when I kept asking," Marissa was now the snippy one. _Ouch, I deserved that_, Bianca thought. "You're right," Bianca confessed. "I'll give you space. But know that when you're ready, I promise not to avoid it anymore," Bianca said as she placed her hand on Marissa's leg and then stood. She waited a minute to see if Marissa would change her mind, but she didn't. Neither of them slept that night.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"You shut me out Bianca," Marissa said as she entered the kitchen. Bianca lifted her head from her bowl of cereal and waited. "So not only did you lie, you shut me out. And I can't decide what's worse," she said. Bianca noticed Marissa's red, puffy eyes, which made her tear up. "I know, and I didn't mean to," she said through her own tears. Marissa turned around and walked out. Bianca heard the garage door slam and a car engine start. _What have I done? _She thought.

/

It was sort of pointless that Marissa went into work; she hadn't accomplished a thing. At lunch, she went to Krystal's to talk. "What's wrong?" Krystal asked before she was even all the way in the door. "I'm not sure," Marissa answered honestly. "What happened?" Krystal knew by the look on her daughter's face it was a lover's quarrel.

"She lied to me." "What? That isn't Bianca. You're sure?" "She told me herself," Marissa said as she wrinkled her mouth to one side. "Well, not so much a lie, but she withheld the truth," Marissa offered. "She didn't tell me Reese was coming to town and she was taking the girls to see her." "Oh," was all of the reply Krystal had. "She called two weeks ago, and Bianca didn't tell me until last night. She's seeing her today!" Marissa's voice was now louder. "What's worse is that she doesn't know why she didn't tell me." Marissa looked more distraught. "And you feel like she closed up on you, right?" Krystal knew what she was feeling and Marissa shook her head in agreement. "So where are you now?" she asked. "Well, now I'm the one who's not talking." She paused for a minute. "I'm mad mom, but I'm more scared than I am mad. Am I going to lose her?"

"No," Krystal offered not sure she could back the statement up. "But you need to talk to her, and you need to talk to her before she sees Reese." Marissa shook her head in agreement, picked up her purse, and headed to the door. Krystal watched her daughter leave and prayed things would work out. _If those two can't do it, I've officially lost hope_, she thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Are you at work?" were the first words out of Marissa's mouth when Bianca picked up the phone. "No, I stayed home. No point in going in; I wouldn't be able to concentrate. Hey, I want to talk to you..." was all Bianca could get in before she heard "OK, stay there alright?" from Marissa. "Of course," Bianca answered. Then they hung up.

While Marissa couldn't seem to work that morning, Bianca spent the morning making herself think about why she wouldn't have told Marissa. She had, after all, been putting this off for two weeks. Attraction? No, she hadn't even seen Reese. Want of a life without JR? Nah, that couldn't be it. Between she and Marissa, at least one of them seemed to be strong at all times. She went through old pictures, skimmed emails, and walked through each child's room hoping for some light.

_I'm really not this person, am I? Wait, what if I'm not sure about us? What if this is my subconscious? _She walked to the mantel in the living room and picked up a picture of the two of them taken on their first Christmas. While Bianca was looking at the camera, Marissa was looking at Bianca. _Those eyes, I never would have dreamed she would look at me that way. _She did know one thing: She loved Marissa completely. She just wasn't sure what brain lapse had caused her not to be honest and push Marissa away.

/

"I get to be mad, you know," Marissa was in mid-rant. "You know my baggage. My issues with lying…" she offered. "I have issues." This made Bianca giggle. "Yes; yes, I know," she shook her head. Forgetting they were fighting for a second, she leaned in to kiss Marissa. "What are you doing?" Marissa pulled back. "What don't you get about 'I'm mad'?" Bianca was a bit startled and turned to retreat. "Why are you walking away from me? We're not done with this conversation..."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As Bianca walked down the hall, she heard her phone ring. In the midst of the home drama, she had forgotten about the play date. She found her phone and answered, "Hey, are you in town now?" "Yep," Reese answered, not knowing the situation she could potentially enter. "Are we still on for 2?" "Yeah, sounds good. I'm about to go get the girls from school and I'll meet you at the park," Bianca replied.

Marissa had followed Bianca down the hall and heard everything. "Are you kidding me?" was the only thing Marissa said. Bianca turned around, and after trying to contemplate what to say answered, "I have to." At this moment, both women knew they needed a little distance.

/

Bianca started her car and headed to the girls' school. Half way there, she turned around. After she did, she picked up the phone and called Kendall. "Hey, would you mind going to pick up the girls and wait with them at the park until Reese gets there?" Kendall's usual response was stifled by the tone of her sister's voice. She wouldn't ask if it wasn't a big deal. So without a question, she only replied "Sure, I'm on my way."

Bianca walked into the kitchen and sat down her keys. She sighed as she pressed her thumb and index finger against her eyes. "Cowgirl up," she said out loud. "You can do this."

"You came back?" asked the redhead as she walked in the kitchen. She was surprised. "I promised," replied Bianca. "So what if I yell?" Marissa questioned. "Well, I won't like it, but I'll deal with it," Bianca answered. At this point Marissa was exhausted and broke character, "this sucks" she said to her friend. "Totally," Bianca replied. Marissa looked in Bianca's eyes then asked her one question: "Do I need to be worried?" "No, without question, no," Bianca answered. "OK." Marissa closed the gap that had been getting closer since the conversation started and she kissed her forgiveness. Makeup ensued.

Laying in bed later, Marissa commented that early in their relationship they had agreed not to go to bed angry, to which Bianca replied "I didn't sleep, did you?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Things were good. Marissa showed forgiveness without a word of question. It was if she didn't need a answer, which was actually true. Days past and Reese's departure from town was nearing. Bianca hadn't gone near her in fear of hurting Marissa, or worse yet, realizing something she didn't want to know.

Bianca made dinner and the two waited for Kendall to bring the girls home from their last play date with Reese. After taking her last bite, Bianca asked, "why haven't you asked about Reese anymore? I mean, you have the right, you know." "Because you said I had nothing to worry about," Marissa said matter-of-factly. She stood and picked up both of their plates and walked into the kitchen.

Bianca followed her. "You don't; you don't," she said as she signaled the same with her hands. "But why would you let me off of the hook?" "Because when I forced it, it upset you," Marissa turned and was now starring deeply into her eyes. She wanted to make sure Bianca knew she was sincere. "Well, that was my fault, right?" Bianca offered. "Sort of," joked the redhead. "But I trust you with my heart." She paused for a second realizing something for the both of them. "You know, sometimes there isn't a good answer. But life goes on, and my life is you. So, I'm letting it go..."

_Why_ Bianca thought, _would I ever question Marissa?_ And then it occurred to her, she was just feeling insecure. Her subconscious had protected her from the "what if Marissa gets mad about Reese and leaves me" answer she couldn't face. But Marissa's response wasn't like her other lovers. She had just proven that again.

"I want us to visit Reese," Bianca found herself saying after a few minutes of silence. Marissa had been watching what must have been a whole convention go on in Bianca's head. "OK. Why now?" she answered. "I just figured out why I didn't tell you." "I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure how you would take it. I mean, I know we've talked and I know what you've said. But I hadn't seen you be OK with it for real. I think I was feeling insecure because I can't handle loosing you.

"So, you were basically avoiding controversy," she paused. "That's what this was all about, insecurity?" Marissa asked as she furrowed a brow. "Yeah," Bianca answered. "Maybe we should work on your self-esteem," Marissa replied. "Actually, I think I know how to help with that," Marissa continued and began to look a little mischievous. "What do you have in mind?" Bianca asked.

"Shh…" Marissa moved to wrap her arms around Bianca and then began kissing her neck. "You're beautiful, you know that?" Marissa whispered. "You're the smartest woman I've ever met." She continued to mix whispers with kisses. "You have the best heart and you care about people so deeply." Bianca was already intoxicated when Marissa asked "but do you want to know what the worst thing is about this thing I have for you?" Bianca could barely gumption "What?" "I'm so in love with you it's going to embarrass you in front of others." Bianca opened her eyes for a second and realized, _this woman's response to my idiocy will always surprise me_.


End file.
